Touchdown Dogs6 (life and times of spa salesmen)

“Diet Coke is for people who hate themselves,” said Newman.
“That’s not true,” said Trav.
“Well, in all of my experiences it has been true.”
“All your experiences?”
“Yes. Well, I think that it sounds good anyway. That Diet Coke is for people who hate themselves. I should write that down.”
“Yeah, that’s profound stuff,” said Trav, raising his coffee mug to his mouth.
“I think of profound things like that all the time, and I think I should write a book of them.”
“Like what? Tell me some.”
“For instance, I think that people who read the newspaper hate themselves.”
“How is that profound?”
“People who read new-”
“I heard you the first time. But you just copied what you said about Diet Coke before. You said the same thing, just with different objects.”
“Well, that’s arguable,” said Newman, taking a bite out of his Hot Pocket.
“Tell me another one.”
“OK. It’s all in your mind.”
Trav locked eyes with Newman.
“What is?”
“All of it,” said Newman.
“Someone has said that before.”
“Who?”
“I don’t know, but it isn’t some witty observation that you just made up.”
“I bet if you had said it, you would have thought it was witty,” said Newman. Cheese dangled from his chin.
“If I was the one that actually did say it, then yes, I would think it witty. But it’s not even witty in the first place. It’s more of a philosophy then anything else.”
“People who study philosophy like to hear themselves talk.”
“True.”
“My favorite profound observation is that using the phrase, ‘your dead to me now,’ is a perfect waste of breath.”
“Who said that one?” said Trav.
“Me. Just now," said Newman.